My Rivers of friendship

THE Godblessus NY Post recently reviewed the life of Joan Rivers. Her final days — in a hospital bed — I spent holding my closest friend’s hand, hoping one retold memory might provoke a response. It did not. She lay unresponsive.

We’d traveled together, vacationed together, lived just blocks apart, even negotiated buying connecting hotel apartments. There was one 15 years ago morning when nurses, equipment and IVs carried me home after an appendicitis attack. I could barely breathe on my own. Uninvited, unasked, Joan arrived and made me sit there with her to watch her Joan Rivers documentary.

One week before she left us we did seven days of London’s shows, friends, relaxation. Flying home, she discussed the coming surgery. Mentioning her age and repeat fix-ups, I strongly argued against it.

On Temple Emanu-El’s altar, speaking at her funeral, I told Joan stories. To VIPs and 700 crowded people in a house of worship alongside two rabbis in clerical dress, one such was bad taste. But I told it anyway: There was the morning she came over wearing a big black patch over her right eye. Me: “Why the black patch?” Joan: “That’s what happens when you spend a whole night pleasuring Al Roker.” The synagogue went nuts. Screamed, shrieked, applauded. Roker’s wife laughed. The rabbis didn’t.

Another story. One weekend we visited Colonial Williamsburg. At night, superstitious Joan jammed heavy club chairs against our doors and spread crinkly newspapers alongside. Agitated, she wanted to leave next morning. Joan Rivers’ exact quote: “This place is haunted. Last night the closet began moving toward me.” We left early.

One more. Always carting her QVC assorted tchotchkes in the handbag, she gave them out en route as thank yous or tips. Wherever in civilization she was — NYC, LA, Albany or Albania — her assistant had to scare up a local beautician and hairdresser. Each morning, wherever Joan Rivers was, two pros came to do her makeup and hair.

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Stage family

“Mrs. Doubtfire” had its own doubtfire.

After March 2020’s three previews there came the standstill. Director Jerry Zaks says the show’s now back at the Stephen Sondheim Theatre.

Four new kids now make Broadway debuts. Each plays four performances a week. Titus and Tyler share the role of Christopher. Austin Elle and Ava Gail co-act Natalie’s role. If only Ethel Merman and Mary Martin could have been this civilized.

The Doubtfire family is even in a family way. Cast member Mark Evans and his husband Justin Mortelliti expect a baby girl next month. So far she has no role to play.

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Mayoral ties

CURIOUS how a cop’s salary bought thick silk ties and more suits than Tom Cruise has. Long before Eric Adams zipped up his income tax, I’d repeatedly requested an interview. Wasn’t granted.

Mrs. de Blasio helped this mayor’s election. With her managerial expertise, watch to see her thank you come as Brooklyn’s next boro president. Beats working.

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Benjamin unbuttoned

GOV. Kathy Hochul’s dream ticket running mate, state Sen. Brian Benjamin, is now a nightmare. In New York state the Gov. and Lt. Gov. do not run as a team like our president and VP. 1982, Ed Koch ran for governor. His running mate was Westchester County exec Alfred DelBello. Mario Cuomo beat Koch, but DelBello still got elected Mario’s Lt. Gov.

To quote one pol: Everyone in Albany is on parole.

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LIVING here and worried what’s happening to your existence? No problem. Just contact the Psychic Network. They can tell you your future — even if you don’t have one.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.