Making hiss-tory

“The Essex Serpent” best seller, now a six-part Apple TV+ series, set in 1893, premieres the 13th. It stars Tom Hiddleston and Claire Danes. Good luck understanding the thing.

Claire Danes: “The serpent’s a metaphor for anxieties and fears. The radical novel is sort of the ‘Exile From Eden’ without the sense of shame. And is feminist for that reason. Love, sex and death are all one integrated experience.”

Yeah. Right. Absolutely. And if you can understand that I’ll give you a first look at Biden’s Rorschach test . . . And Deborah Norville — dining at Primola — just signed on to continue with “Inside Edition.” It’s on 33 years and still No. 1. It’s starred her for most of it. If CBS meant “Could Be Smart” they’d use her elsewhere on the network.

Poor Bruce

Aphasia was on the table at Nobu 57. Noel Ashman and fellow producer Randall Emmett having an intense discussion. The subject was not Kobe beef. It was about their latest film, “Fortress: Sniper’s Eye.” Its star? Bruce Willis.

Dems are in total control

We a great nation or what?

The White House doddering dolt. Years on the public dole, not sweating to earn a living: What’s he accomplished? In the theater, he’d play some road company third-rate tent in Yuma. Never Broadway.

His VP? Please. He disliked No-Kamala-do even BEFORE picking her. Reason she got chosen was obvious to all.

Our mayor? An embarrassment. Parties, photo ops, TV speeches, celebrity meets, future promises, tailor appointments. Name ANY accomplishment.

And our mandatory every 10-year reapportionment? We got a Democratic governor replacing a Democratic governor. A Democratic mayor replacing a Democratic mayor. Democratic control of the state and city. Democrats in control of this gerrymandering. To survive is their sole task — yet incompetence was such that they effed up their one job.

New York’s highest Court of Appeals, elected and supported by Democrats, dumped their reapportionment plan. Incompetent Dems in the Senate, city, Congress, country, the diocese, the plains, the farms, the toilets were hogs. Pigs. Greedy. Removed, no longer allowed to screw up, the Court has instead ordered a special independent task force.

To be done in May, it’s now upped to Aug. 23. Great, since everyone’s away on summer vacation then.

State Sen. Mike Gianaris from Queens — in charge of this reapportionment — is the genius who peed on the Amazon deal.

New York, New York. The Bronx is up and the Donkeys are down.

New mantel

“Washington Crossing the Delaware” got painted 1851. It already hung in the Smithsonian, MoMA, the White House and maybe even in Elon Musk’s garage. The thing gets auctioned at Christie’s May 12, and for a few Benjamins this Washington could be yours. The estimate — by George — is $20 million.

Taxes could be a lot worse. Suppose our politicians had to pay on what we think they’re worth.

Only (or mostly) in New York, kids, only (or definitely) in New York.