Rob49 isn’t too bewildered to steal your girl on “WTHELLY”

Rap Blog is a weekly showcase of a standout rap song.

If Rob49 ever gets bored of rapping his ass off, he could always become a caffeinated beverage spokesman, or perhaps license his voice and bless alarm clocks worldwide. New Orleans’s biggest star since Lil Wayne has the same instinctive approach as his forebear, but where Wayne’s bars tumbled forward like circus acrobats, Rob’s lines impact as if shot from a cannon. His distinctive bark is fast approaching the iconic levels of Waka Flocka Flame or even Meek Mill, capable of spiking your adrenaline from first listen — most of the time, his songs hit like a sonic 5 Hour Energy.

His new single “WTHELLY” brings to mind the lethal and discontinued Panera Bread Charged Lemonade, amped up to the brink of gibberish. As is typical for a Rob49 song, our young star is sweeping women off their feet by splurging and reminding them their boyfriends are bums. Unlike his star-making turn on Travis Scott’s “TOPIA TWINS,” he actually does rhyme his bars here, though the track’s titular repetition seems perfectly honed to needle oldheads. What the Helly Berry? What the Helly Burton? What the HellyBron James? Then again, that’s probably a big part of why this song has been going ultraviral — it’s too insistent to leave anything other than an indelible mark.

All I know is that until Rob49 releases his new album Let Me Fly sometime this spring, I’m going to be reconfiguring this hook in my brain every day: What the Helly Rowland? What the Helly Mirren? What the Helly Keller? What the Hellyna Bonham Carter? What the Helly Delphine? What the Hellyn Pompeo? What the Helly Furtado?