I just came across a Nov. 20, 1999, joke column on politics. My late husband, comedian Joey Adams — president of all the actors — wrote it.

“The first debate was a dead heat. Al Gore was dead — Bill Bradley was in heat. George Bush had some prior commitment. A Tupperware party. His supporters determined that 92% of people in his own state don’t know him …

“Hillary’s holiday parties will feature a game. Pin the Tail on Rudy. She says her critics are demeaning the presidency and that’s not their job. That’s her husband’s job. If elected, her first task will be to see that Senate leaders without sin instigate stoning procedures.

“Analysts declare Bill politically impotent — which is not where the impotence is most needed … And Socks, tired of his master’s sex habits, meowed to Buddy the first dog: “I told you this was a cathouse.” And Gore says he stands behind the president. He’d like to stand in front but there’s always a girl in the way.”

Poli-sigh studies

Clinton did Monica Lewinsky. FDR did Lucy Mercer. JFK played potsy with half our population. Warren — last name Harding — had assorted ladies. Alexander Hamilton’s lover was Maria. Caught with Donna Rice, Gary Hart never made the White House. Thomas Jefferson? The enslaved Sally Hemings. Eisenhower was known to drive his lady driver. Etc., etc.

In something called “Conspiratorially Speaking,” Henry Kissinger once wrote, “American presidential dalliances seem almost commonplace.”

Anyone notice if currently the Rose Garden is blooming?

Curious oddities

Collection of little known anything:

Dionne Warwick is godmother to O.J. Simpson’s daughter Arnelle … Jimmy Stewart was godfather to Jane Fonda … Gene Siskel bought John Travolta’s white “Saturday Night Fever” suit for $2,000 — then 17 years later at a Christie’s auction resold it for $145,000 . . . Starting out as a band John Lennon and Paul McCartney used the name Johnny and the Moondogs . . .

Eddie Murphy once bought a Jimi Hendrix headband for $19,800 … Agatha Christie was addicted to doing numerical puzzles and said she’d be a mathematician if she hadn’t written mystery novels . . . Barry Goldwater once shaved with peanut butter — and praised it … For $93,500, Charlie Sheen bought the baseball that went through Bill Buckner’s legs to help the Mets win the world championship … On hotel registers Marlon Brando signed Lord Greystoke (Tarzan’s British name).

Geronimo’s real name was Goyathalay (means One Who Yawns) … Woodrow Wilson affectedly spelled OK as okeh, which he considered the proper Choctaw spelling … Timothy Leary was godfather to Winona Ryder whose real last name is Horowitz … George Reeves — real last name, Bessolo — was buried in the gray suit he wore as Clark Kent on “Superman” … Middle names: James Hoffa’s was Riddle, Robert S. McNamara’s was Strange.

Things are looking up …

Milk is up, gas is up, for rent you need a Brinks truck and the Hamptons finally caught on. One Montauk dockside joint now charges $97 for a Lobster Cobb salad. Highway lobbery. Crowds even at places they can’t get into. And an Equinox pop-up for sweating in Bridgehampton now screens applicants for $750 a month. Hey, some things just don’t work out.

The White House guy drools. The City Hall guy fools.

Question: Where did NYC’s mayor Eric the Great get educated?

Answer: Frig U.

Only in America, kids, only in America.