#Passing poopers are making the Queen’s vacation home a royal mess

Employees at Queen’s Scottish vacation home are raising a stink over op-poo-turnistic pedestrians using the royal retreat’s grounds as a toilet. The excremental desecration comes amid coronavirus reopening measures that allow UK citizens out and about while public bathrooms remain shuttered.

“Disappointed to see so many wipes discarded on the Estate today,” Tweeted a staffer at Balmoral Castle, a sprawling 50,000 acre property in Scotland where her highness spends several weeks a year, reports CNN. They added that “people are choosing to relieve themselves right next to busy paths or monuments rather than move a little bit further away to avoid contamination.”

However, the scat bandits likely aren’t crapping on the Queen’s castle for s–ts and giggles. The estate employee noted that “there are no public toilets open for miles around at the moment,” referencing coronavirus-sparked closures that have left pedestrians with few public places to pop a squat.

The staffer even took sympathy on their plight, tweeting “if you need to pee, please do so at least 30 metres from lochs or streams. Meanwhile, prospective poopers are urged to do their business “as far away as possible from buildings, paths, water courses and farm animals” and to “bury [feces] in a shallow hole and replace the turf,” per a subsequent Tweet.

Doing so really could save the queen, too. Researchers have found that the coronavirus can spread through fecal-oral transmission.

Unfortunately, the staffer’s advice was immediately dumped on by the social media legions. “So how about opening the toilets, that will solve your problem,” scoffed one critic. 

“Is this a parody,” wondered another. 

The Queen’s estate isn’t the only place that’s being treated as a latrine in the time of corona. New York City is also experiencing a steady stream of revelers peeing in public amid phase 2 bar re-openings.