# My partner has earned millions of dollars during our relationship. We’re not married, but am I entitled to anything if we split?

At one point, he was offered a job in Europe and I left my new job in the U.S. to join him, a decision that left me unable to earn an income and continuing to depend on him for his money.

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We share a couple of joint bank accounts, but the vast majority of his money is in accounts in his name only. I have never thought that money should be under both of our names, as it was money he had earned before we even met.

In the time we’ve been together, he has made $2 million to $3 million in income, and he has sold real estate that was owned before we met totaling $1 million. If we separated in the U.S., would I be entitled to anything from him?

John

Dear John,

The short answer is no. Common-law marriage is typically elective and difficult to prove.

Now for the long answer: Common-law marriage was an old English law, and today only exists in a handful of U.S. states as an elective option. That is, you legally declare yourselves common-law spouses. You are not considered married in the eyes of the court or the government just because you lived together for five, 10 or even 20 years.

You willingly acknowledge that he was the main breadwinner, he paid off debt and, when he got a job overseas, you made the decision to give up your job in the U.S. and follow him, and allowed him to pay for your living expenses. These choices afforded you a certain lifestyle, and you did not have the career, or the savings, you would have had otherwise.

The Moneyist:My parents have $50,000 in credit-card debt and $50,000 in a home-equity loan. My father works part-time and my mother refuses to work. How can we help?

A few years ago, a couple split after 23 years together in Rhode Island. Angela wanted to the court to declare her union with Kevin a common-law marriage so she would inherit part of his home. In a Providence County Family Court judgment, the judge agreed based on evidence in letters and how they presented themselves to family and friends.

Despite their being included in family portraits, Kevin’s sister even addressing them as Mr. and Mrs. in a Christmas card, and Kevin wearing a ring on his wedding finger, the Supreme Court of Rhode Island in 2018 overturned the lower court’s decision. Kevin did not consider them married, and neither did the Supreme Court, partly based on their filing their tax returns separately.

However, it’s not impossible that Angela could have won had things been different. Kevin referred to his wife as his “wife” on his life-insurance policy beneficiary designation form, and as “spouse” on his employer-provided health insurance, according to a review of the case by the law firm McIntyre Tate. It’s a good test case, in the event you live in a state that does recognize common-law marriage.

The ruling by the Rhode Island Supreme Court suggests that the court is “less than sanguine” in its support for common-law marriage, the law firm said. “It became clear to the trial justice, and subsequently to the Supreme Court, that the parties ‘cherry picked’ when they would represent themselves as husband and wife depending on whether it would benefit them.”

The Moneyist:My husband and I are worth $3.7 million, but I’m afraid I’ll spend my way into the poor house if he dies. When I was single, I bounced checks. What can I do?

This is a good time to evaluate your relationship with yourself, and your priorities in life. What do you want to be remembered for? What do you enjoy doing? And could you turn that into a career? What contribution to society would you like to make? There are no certainties in life, as 2020 has shown. Your retirement, career and financial plans should ideally exist outside of your relationship.

You are not entitled to your boyfriend’s money, even though you share some of the same bank accounts. That’s a gift rather than an entitlement. You are entitled to a big, rewarding and unpredictable life where you are the driver of your own destiny. You are entitled to use your talents, interests and skills to help others. You can reclaim the word, and your career along with it.

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at [email protected]

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