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#‘Easy Does It’ review: Linda Hamilton plays a king with cornrows

#‘Easy Does It’ review: Linda Hamilton plays a king with cornrows

July 16, 2020 | 1:20pm

Running time: 95 minutes. Not rated.

The new heist movie “Easy Does It” features two men and one note.

A pair of small-time criminals named Jack (Ben Matheny) and Scottie (Matthew Paul Martinez) are scoring pennies with petty swindles, such as rigged street fights, when they learn of a secret fortune waiting for them in San Clemente, California. Their lives will change forever! Ours won’t.

It’s a simple plot, and that’s OK, but we need robust characters to make it sing. Most of the film is a series of gas station robberies fumbled by doofuses and, as a result, it runs on fumes.

Even as the duo drives across Arizona, Texas and California — earning the nickname the Star-Spangled Bandits — the film goes nowhere.

Writer-director Will Addison, who shows promise with the way he envisions scenes, overcompensates with wackiness like a supposed-to-be-funny sequence in which Jack, Scottie and their nerdy hostage Collin (Cory Dumesnil) eat fast food and abruptly fall asleep.

But who’s the strangest of them all? Linda Hamilton of “Terminator” fame, playing a Southern crime lord called King George who sics her daughter on the guys to settle a debt. Your eyes do not deceive you: Sarah Connor’s got cornrows.

film still _ do not purge _ easy does itcredit Gravitas Ventures

“Easy Does It.”

Gravitas Ventures

film still _ do not purge _ easy does itcredit Gravitas Ventures

“Easy Does It.”

Gravitas Ventures

film still _ do not purge _ easy does itcredit Gravitas Ventures

“Easy Does It.”

Gravitas Ventures

film still _ do not purge _ easy does itcredit Gravitas Ventures

“Easy Does It.”

Gravitas Ventures

film still _ do not purge _ easy does itcredit Gravitas Ventures

“Easy Does It.”

Gravitas Ventures

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Addison picking a buddy-outlaw film for his first full-length feature is a bold choice, to say the least. It’s one of America’s most iconic film genres, including such classics as “Thelma & Louise,” “Bonnie and Clyde” and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” There is always a case to be made for a refresh, but there is nothing new here. Even the Southern setting has no real purpose other than Ohio being less fun.

Any buddy comedy lives and dies by its core compatriots, though. Logic dictates that we shouldn’t still be talking about “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion,” but we do because it was a perfect marriage of actors and material. Matheny and Martinez do a solid job, but they’re still playing indistinguishable, bland bozos.

Making an outlaw flick — not so easy, is it?

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