Hold for a Representative

The new Republican Congress is so divided they’ll have to elect a relatively unknown as Speaker. Perfect candidate — Long Island liar George Santos.

If over 25, lives in NY State, been a citizen seven years, they cannot stop this klunk being seated. 1967 the House wouldn’t seat Adam Clayton Powell. Supreme Court said the House could expel him but not exclude him. However, trust Mother, Santos’ behind might not squat in Congress next Christmas.

Long ago VP Aaron Burr dueled Alexander Hamilton. Ex-friend Jefferson then accused him of being a traitor. He won that fight, returned to New York and wed a rich widow who divorced him and used Hamilton’s son as a lawyer. Burr then died broke in a boarding house in Staten Island.

Listen to Mother, you can’t beat the system.

Their next job is to assess Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, bro James Biden, maybe a late great-great-grandma Biden and some step-uncle twice removed Biden.

They’ll then busy themselves doing zip but renaming sports teams whose titles fie on religion like New Orleans Saints, Los Angeles Angels, San Diego Padres, Milwaukee Brewers. Or those glorifying baddies like Las Vegas Raiders, Minnesota Vikings, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Pittsburgh Pirates. And the Washington Redskins, gone Commanders? I’m sure they would’ve tried.

X’ing out Xmas

Hark. Tis Jan. 5. All tinsel and trees must finally come down. Twelfth Night, Epiphany Eve, 12th day of Christmas, is the Holy Season’s absolute finality. Why? Because, believably, it’s when the Magi — the Three Kings — arrived in Holy ­Bethlehem.

‘View’ denied

Gayle King, phoning from her holiday home in Hawaii, remembered long ago to when she tried to be a panelist on “The View.”

“Your New York Post paper reported Barbara Walters saying, ‘That will never happen.’ Barbara then told me, ‘I like you but it’s going to go to Whoopi.’ So I told Oprah I knew I wasn’t getting it.”

We both spoke of deep friendship and how much it means to us all.

The pros’ Choice

Hollywood, whose current output almost exceeds what seeps out of Peoria, is pushing their Critics Choice Awards. It’s Jan. 15. Cocktails there begin 1:30 p.m. so some who-care nominees might arrive sloshed.

Chelsea Handler hosts. Jeff Bridges gets Lifetime Achievement.

Princess & peas

Being awash in Brit royalty, Me-Me-Me-Meghan and Prince Empty’s memory of his late mother, know that Guernsey has had the collection before, plus the permission to sell some pieces, plus a massive catalog of jewels known as the Diana, Princess of Wales, Swan Lake Suite.

The Crown Jeweller’s necklace was five huge matching South Sea Pearls, 14 marquis diamonds, plus 42 carats worth of 164 additional diamonds. This was worn to the opening of the ballet in Royal Albert Hall. Date: June 3, 1997.

With a letter of authentication signed by the Crown Jeweller plus the blessing of her sister, Lady Sarah McCorquedale — written on Kensington Palace stationery — the Suite has since been sold privately. I now have that massive catalog.

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New Yorkers now know that in this city, when planning their new year’s budget, they need to put aside a certain extra amount for holdup money.

Oy, only in New York, kids, only in New York.