Go on & keep your Sunshine

Florida’s original creatures? Alligators, lizards and snakes. Florida’s current creatures? Alligators, lizards and snakes — only older.

Also Lamborghinis, Aston Martins, Ferraris, Porsches, Rolls, Bentleys. Also elderly blondes (every female’s blond) and senior bald guys (every male’s bald).

Also heavy-duty BS about days back when they were Someone. Everybody’s a “was.” Extreme kindness precludes my mentioning that the populace is a wheelchair away from a mausoleum.

NY exiles fly in from civilization Thursdays. To reserve a table for the late 5:00 p.m. dinner, you have to know someone. Mondays and Fridays the work is virtual. Zoom calls. Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s types wearing plaid pants hit golf balls in loafers, no socks.

8:30 a.m. is the walk along the shore. Most walkers are chunky. Noontime’s the rush for the chaise lounge in the shade. Twelve people, seven chaises. All on cells calling friends in New York to report how great Florida is.

Now, the condos. Workers or management offer zero. Do zero. Are zero. Want a super? Stay in New York. Arrive with cartons? Lotsa luck. Nobody will cart them away, flatten them, empty them, remove them, mulch them, stack for removal, indicate where to stick trash or even store the empties. Got a leak? Find your own plumber.

One human steam washed her terrace. Neighbors flooded below-delivered management’s Balcony Cleaning Rules, which include: No water may escape an owner’s balcony ever. Rainwater only is allowed.

So, besides the hardcore who live there permanently, like Estefan, Travolta, Trump, Tiger Woods, Dwayne Johnson, may the state’s ex-pats just shut up, scratch their mosquito bites and leave us hardcore forever New Yorkers alone.

He’s Ben there

Like crabgrass, Michael Douglas is all over. He’s Benjamin Franklin in a limited series, which covers Ben manipulating 1778’s Franco-American alliance plus peace with England.

Also, he’s in HBO’s new high-finance doc “Icahn: The Restless Billionaire” and Oliver Stone, talking “Wall Street,” says: “In this, Douglas gives stockholders the same speech Icahn gave in one of his corporate raids. 1987 we went to Icahn’s office. He gave us about an hour. Arrogant. As if this was the way of doing things. And that was also Gordon Gekko.”

In it, Bill Gates says what a smart cookie Icahn is in crumbling companies.

Playing it down, Icahn says: “I made this money because the system is so bad not because I’m a genius.” A billionaire actually stating “Wall Street people are tremendously overpaid” is rich.

Getting in scripted

Oy. Already we’re up to our assets in awards. Oscar nominee Bill Murray will star in Emmy winner Aziz Ansari’s untitled directorial debut. Ansari wrote the script but no title so who knows the name. It’s Searchlight Pictures . . . Tesla stock increased 1,600 percent in five years. “Tesla clubs” are in Moscow. Oligarchs love them. Elon Musk maybe planned to open a plant in Russia. Great idea. Let him tow his Tesla to Ukraine’s border for a peek . . . “A Beautiful Noise,” a play about Neil Diamond, begins Boston tryouts this summer. Hopefully, it makes Broadway. Hopefully, Broadway makes Broadway.

Art collector saw an ad. van Gogh for sale. Price: $100. “impossible,” said the collector. You could get a million times that. Said the woman seller: No mistake. It’s a genuine van Gogh. My husband died two weeks ago. His will stipulated this be sold and the money given to his secretary. And I, she added, am the Executor.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.