#Female best friends swear by ‘platonic marriage’

“He doesn’t deal with the fighting that happens among romantic partners, and he never accidentally walks in on anything inappropriate,” said Jay.

Jay and Krystle met in 2012 at Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, an LGBTQ center, and the two high schoolers became fast friends.

“We started volunteering together, and she made me feel appreciated and cared for,” said Jay, who is currently a college student studying communications while Krystle works as an assistant manager at an ice-cream store.

The duo would frequent theme parks, dish on “toxic” exes and go on long walks where they would talk about their dreams — specifically about becoming adoptive parents.

“Our goals aligned so perfectly,” said Jay, a self-described “hopeless romantic” who got out of an “unhealthy” romantic relationship with a woman at the end of 2019. Around the same time she met Eddie (whose last name was withheld for privacy reasons) through a friend, and over the next few months decided she would adopt him. 

“As one does, I called my best friend,” said Jay. “She said, ‘Hold on, let’s do this together.’” They decided to get married in September of last year after a long chat, not a proposal.

They moved in together at the beginning of November, two weeks before their nuptials at a venue in East Islip. “It was less than 50 people,” said Jay, who encouraged guests to get tested and wear masks for the big day. “It was mostly family.”

Despite their untraditional marriage, having a traditional-style wedding — with wedding gowns, rings and vows they wrote themselves — was important to the pair.

“I want our relationship to be valued and taken seriously,” said Jay, who points to tax benefits and rights around medical-decision making as perks of tying the knot. Despite their chaste lifestyle, Jay insisted, “This is my wife and partner.” 

Eddie accompanied his future foster moms to buy rings: a rose-shaped one for Jay, as a nod to the couple’s favorite Disney movie, “Beauty and the Beast”, and an Irish Claddagh ring for Krystle, which Jay said represents “friendship, trust and loyalty.”

The two have shared a single kiss in their entire relationship, on their wedding day. Back then, the women weren’t openly platonic for fear of “not being taken seriously.” Jay described the smooch at the altar as “really uncomfortable” and “something I wish I could take back.” The choreographed dance they did at the reception — a mashup of “All Star” by Smash Mouth and “Lucky” by Jason Mraz — “felt more like us.” 

Post-wedding, the women opted for some good, clean fun. “Instead of a honeymoon, we went to a waterpark,” said Jay.

Both brides identify “somewhere on the asexual spectrum,” Jay said. “We both experience romantic and sexual attraction to an extent, it’s just not for each other.” Both wives are free to pursue flings outside of the marriage, though Jay said they both feel “satisfied with our dynamic.”  

The buddies said they will cross that bridge when they get there. And if a new boo were to enter the picture, “that person will have to be open to the idea of joining our family,” Jay said, calling her relationship with Krystle “the primary one.” She defended her choices to followers online in one video, “Why do we believe that romantic relationships are the ultimate and most important ones in our life?”

Day to day, Jay handles bills, doctor appointments and forms for Eddie’s school, while her wife takes out the garbage and handles other physical tasks like fixing broken tail lights and blown-out light bulbs.

“At night, she’ll play a video game and I’ll go on TikTok or watch a TV show,” Jay said. “Every so often we go out to dinner, and we like to plan quality time since we don’t feel the need to be in each other’s spaces all the time.” 

They sleep in the same bed — “It’s what works for us, and is cheaper,” said Jay — though the women use separate blankets. Cuddling is as far as the intimacy goes: “I think people can platonically cuddle,” she added. 

“I want people to think about intimacy in ways that aren’t just sexually based,” said Jay, who called the conflicts — jealousy, difference in sex drives — that can arise between romantic partners “messy.”

“I am in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in my life, with a more beautiful family than I could’ve ever imagined,” she said.