Feast your eyes on this

’Tis the season to be jolly. Chef Wolfgang Puck’s famous restaurant Spago knows from foods and feasts.

“My mother was a chef. My terrible stepfather said I was good for nothing. At 14 I left home, apprenticed in Austria, France, the US. Got to Indianapolis with no money, got my green card fast because nobody else was at immigration, got to LA and 40 years ago opened Spago.

“Once, I put Thanksgiving turkey’s oven on boil instead of bake. Smoke filled the kitchen. Turkeys were black like charcoal. So I ripped off their skin, served them and one lady admired my ‘smoked turkey taste.’

“Stars have favorite tables. From London I’ve phoned to say who sits where.

“One only wants Table 30, another side Table 33. One walked out, said, ‘I’m not eating here’ because he got seated incorrectly. Concerned, I invited him back and blamed it on our manager.

“Glad we’re back indoors. At Four Seasons Hotel downtown I built awnings, booths but dining outside with a bus going by is not my idea. Homeless crazy people yelling at you is not great.”

About his catering Oscars night: “It’s 600 in the dining room, 300 chefs. I have an army.”

What do the stars’ stars show?

FROM a psychic family — mother a medium — Frank Andrews has read for Andy Warhol, John Lennon, Yoko Ono. Even mobster Tony Soprano who figured he’s a better shot than a Godfather.

Frank: “The age of Aquarius brings a heavy price. The old God, those big super-high powers, do not want change. They choose to keep the old ways. Aquarius associates with the color blue. Mars, the god of war, red. Neither side wants compromise. Combining blue states and red states creates purple. That color stands for grace.”

His 2023 predictions:

• Harry and Meghan reach a new low. In-house fights escalate. (Big surprise!)
• Kanye digs a deeper hole. (Great news.)
• Brad Pitt finds love. (What, again?)
• New York Yankees make a comeback!!!! (Hallelujah, praise the Lord.)

Last laughs

With “A funny thing happened to me on the way to Carolines” making its last shtick, comedians are lining up for the showroom’s final 41-year B’way run. Howard Stern: “I saw Dave Chappelle there. And owner Caroline Hirsch was a beauty then. She’d probably look at me now and throw up, but in those days I wanted to bang her.” Producing NY’s Comedy Festival, the brand name Caroline continues.

High rollers

NEW York’s delivery service great idea for New York’s great idea of opening cannabis stores. Great idea. And who’ll protect lone bikers on our mean streets? Halting at lights. Stopping at addresses. Nighttime biking. Wheeling alone. Cops quitting. Hopheads looking to grab a freebie. And no jailing anyone ever. And can’t even gag Bragg. Our Statue of Liberty will soon look stoned.

GOOD news: Afghanistan’s stabilized. Back to when Attila the Hun ran things.

Said only in New York, kids, only in New York.