#Superman Porno Was Almost a Real Thing

2020 is a strange time, but as it turns out, the 80s might have been even stranger as far as comic books are concerned. In Action Comics #592, which was released in 1987, Superman almost got roped into starring in a porno with Big Barda. The Man of Steel has had some really interesting storylines over the years, but this comic book might very well take the cake as being the strangest one out there. It’s hard to believe that this made it past the censors. But it did.

The story begins with Big Barda hanging out in Metropolis’s notorious Suicide Slum. She ends up meeting a character there named Sleez, which should tell you everything you need to know at this point. But, it’s about to get a whole lot weirder. As it turns out, Sleez was too much for Apokoplips, so he was thrown out. He goes onto explain that’s why he’s now stuck in Suicide Slum. From there, he uses the power of the mega-rod that he’s stolen from Big Barda to make her dance in a revealing outfit. While nothing sexual goes on in the comic panels, it is implied through some creepy dialogue.

Before things can get worse, Superman comes in to save the day. But not before talking trash on Big Barda’s sexy new look. Sleez takes this opportunity to put both the Man of Steel and Big Barda under his mind control spell. Sleez has been making money from the porn videos starring Barda, and we know that he’s made at least one from the story being told through the dialogue. Sleez next offers Superman a chance at starring in his very own adult video alongside Barda.

Superman apparently isn’t really all that good at acting in adult movies, so the scene he is shooting with Big Barda doesn’t get too far. While this is all going down, Darkseid has shown Mr. Miracle the footage his wife, who happens to be Barda, performing in one of the videos. This doesn’t sit so well with the villain. Darkseid ends up getting down to the set just in the nick of time to save the day. He finds the Man of Steel and his wife kissing, with their clothing on, and then Sleez blows himself up by igniting sewer gas. Hmm. Strange indeed. One has to wonder how this ever got made.

Superman almost did porn. If it weren’t for Mr. Miracle, we would have had a much weirder story to tell, but it’s for the best. The physical comic is still available to purchase and can be found for around $3, if you’d like to read the entire thing and see just how messed up a lot of the story really is. Luckily, Superman was under the mind control of Sleez, so he won’t be called out and cancelled in 2020. You can also read the comic digitally if you dare. Head over to Comixology to get your hands on your own.

Topics: Superman