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#After FaceTime, here’s how Apple can half-ass other apps to Android

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#After FaceTime, here’s how Apple can half-ass other apps to Android

Big news from WWDC: FaceTime will be available on Windows and Android! Apart from! Not really! Because the port! Is total shit!

In case you missed the update, Apple has spent the past year trying to copy Zoom. Part of this is that FaceTime, its video calling app, is opening up. This is all well and good — besides the fact that you can’t really use FaceTime if you’re not on an Apple device.

Can you you participate in a FaceTime call if you’re on on Windows and Android? Yes! But can you start a FaceTime call? No! Can you share your screen? Nope! Can you add or remove people from the FaceTime call? Of course not! And can you use the new SharePlay feature? You must be having a fucking giggle!

Look, I get why Apple’s done this: anyone not using an iPhone can suck a big, stinky, hairy fleshmound. But it did get me thinking. What other Apple services, features, and apps could the company spitefully fuck up for users of other operating systems?

And, importantly, how could they do it? I’ve got the answers.

Apple TV+

Yeah, you can watch Ted Lasso on your Google Pixel or Roku or Android TV in general, but now it’s only gonna stream at 460p. Have fun enjoying that delightful blend of British and American comedy when you can’t tell which character is which, losers.

pixelated image of Ted Lasso