Snooping out the Santos cash

Now that the Campaign Legal Center, Washington’s watchdog, filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission, they’re sniffing into George “Satan” Santos about lying, fund-raising, loans and expenditures for his scramble to Congress.

His income leaped from $55,000 in 2020 to over $1 million in 2022. His campaign pocketed $705,000 in a personal loan from him. Since Russian oligarchs have laundered money via political campaigns — why/oh/why/oh/why would anyone distrust St. Santos?

His run for office was against respected public relations exec Robert Zimmerman. Could be maybe Santos someday grabs a payday for a memoir — maybe written from Brazil — and maybe Zimmerman does the p.r.?

Royal dining

More. Comes an invite to May 4’s black tie Taittinger Champagne dinner for “Their Royal Highnesses the Crown Prince Muhammad Ali of Egypt and Her Royal Highness the Princess Noal Zaher of Afghanistan.”

There’s a royal receiving line. “Their Royal Highnesses will speak 15 minutes.” Dress code? Ladies in “Full Evening Gown and Dressed Hair.” Gents: “Dinner Jacket with Pocket Handkerchief.” (Our mayor has the outfit.)

Born in Egypt, educated in France, boarded in Switzerland, married in Istanbul, domiciled in Paris, this prince is “deeply attached to his homeland Egypt.”

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Regally rude

Even more. Shove that twit Brit pig and his vile grabby piglet who only stuck the knife in to make money. I am not uncouth. I am heavy on couth. Being the loving caring gentle human all know I am, I spectorate no more. I just know that hell hath no fury like a divorced small-time small-screen actress scorned.

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True ‘Lies’ from Rivers

Melissa Rivers — with whom I’ve vacationed in Punta, Mexico, with her late mom Joan Rivers — and co-writer Larry Amoros recently rewrote history but it’s “according to Joan.”

Melissa: “Doing this book we laughed our butts off. Like Napoleon on Elba with no Starbucks. Like first Thanksgiving with Plymouth Rock a lesbian bar. Title is ‘Lies My Mother Told Me: Tall Tales From a Short Woman.’ Post Hill Press published it recently.

“I also have a series and movie in development and a talk show available next year. Also a weekly podcast with celebrity interviews and topics of interest. And I’ve put in order Mom’s files — 72,000 jokes on a massive database. They’re in storage.

“Listen, I’m surviving. Chugging along. Pedaling as fast as I can.”

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Highbrow

Per the London Telegraph: Monobrow Leo DiCaprio plucks between his eyebrows. A makeup artist designs his finely detailed arches.

Males started plucking in the 13th century — although who knows with what. Tweezers got invented 1935. So June 15, 1215, when Britain’s King John stamped the Magna Carta at Runnymede, this hairy majesty first snapped two clamshells together on his chin?

That’s how they did it then. So if you get up real close that famous document could smell of chowder?

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From the 1924 — and whoever heard of it — Vaudeville News which says: “If you don’t like the kind of news we print — Don’t Make It!”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.