#NYC health officials advise kinky Zoom parties, masks during sex amid COVID-19

City health officials issued updated guidance Monday on how to practice safe sex during the coronavirus pandemic — suggesting New Yorkers kiss boring bedroom behavior goodbye.

“Make it a little kinky,” the Health Department advisory declares. “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”

Before getting frisky, everyone should be slipping on a different kind of protection — a face mask.

“Maybe it’s your thing, maybe it’s not,” the guidance says, “but during COVID-19 wearing a face covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex.”

For those who find social distancing a turnoff, officials advise selecting large, open and “well-ventilated spaces” for group sex — and bring along alcohol-based hand sanitizer for good measure.

The newest advisory is an expanded version of one released in March, which warned against kissing and in-person dates, saying masturbation was the safest type of sex.

That’s still the case — with officials suggesting hopping on a computer in order to get off.

“Video dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platforms, sexy ‘Zoom parties’ or chat rooms may be options for you,” the guide says.

In the March guidance, the agency called out “rim jobs” as particularly dangerous — and swiftly became the butt of Twitter jokes.

health officials continue to poo poo the practice.

The new guide also includes a warning about testing positive for coronavirus antibodies — as well as advice on preventing sexually transmitted infections, HIV and unplanned pregnancy.

“Be cautious in using these tests to make decisions about who you have sex with and what kind of sex you have since antibody test results are not definite proof of immunity,” it says.