#NFL, coronavirus and less pressing issues as league opens

Are you ready for some testing swabs?

A quarantining party?

We’ve got physical exams. And light conditioning exercises. And then maybe some football for your rowdy friends.

These are not just the worst lyrics of all-time imagined for a “Monday Night Football” introduction. They are the realities of operating NFL training camps during the COVID-19 pandemic, prompting one overarching question: Can it be pulled off?

Rookies, quarterbacks and injured players began reporting to teams last week, but veterans are expected to be in place on time Tuesday, now that the league and its players association’s executive committee struck an agreement on new protocols and economics to avoid delaying the start of training camps.

Before the last-minute parameters were established Friday, some players privately felt “overwhelmed,” “confused” and “forced” by the uncertainty in private conversations with The Post. Thinking it was “unrealistic” went out the window when MLB returned to a traveling schedule, eschewing the bubble concept employed by the NBA.

It’s not exactly “problem solved” — clauses for how to act if the season is canceled are among the many reported terms of the updated CBA — but it’s a starting point.

Players must test negative for COVID-19 twice with 72 hours in between before entering a team facility, and physicals could be split over the course of multiple days. An asymptomatic player who tests positive has to leave camp and can’t return for 10 days or until testing negative twice in a five-day period, while a symptomatic player is banned for at least 10 days from the onset and 72 hours after symptoms subside.

A 20-day acclimation period of strength and conditioning workouts and non-contact walk-throughs doesn’t leave time for many true padded practices. Cue footage of old-school coaches complaining about the lack of hitting leading to sloppy play.

“The idea that this is going to go away with the snap of a finger and you don’t have to change, that’s not going to fly,” said NFLPA president J.C. Tretter, a center for the Browns. “Everything needs to be revamped and refitted to fit coronavirus. We can’t refit coronavirus around football.”

The four-game preseason schedule was completely eliminated. Roster sizes for camp must be cut from 90 to 80 by Aug. 16 in the name of finding space, except if employing split-squad practices. Any player can opt out and receive a stipend instead of his full contract, with added benefits for those with health risks.

So, some teams might not be at full strength, just like in the other sports. As of last week, NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith said no players had decided not to play.

Fans won’t be hanging around the fences at camp, but some teams still are hoping for limited capacity regular-season attendance. The wide-ranging number of new cases in different states requires non-uniformity.

“Everything that we’re doing is centered around the concept of risk mitigation,” NFL chief medical officer Dr. Allen Sills said. “We know that we can’t eliminate risk. We know that this is going to be a shared responsibility.”

Rams offensive tackle Andrew Whitworth — one of 59 players to test positive as of Tuesday, according to the union — sent shock waves through his peers when he revealed a family member went to lunch with a friend, and a couple days later he, his wife, their four children and his in-laws tested positive. His father-in-law was hospitalized.

“It doesn’t take much,” Whitworth said, “and it can spread like wildfire.”

That’s why some league sources told The Post the right path would have been to mandate team-wide hotel stays, like a return to yesteryear when “training camp, essentially, is a quarantine … but instead of a hot dorm in Podunk trying to figure out how to get air in your room, you are in a luxury hotel.”

Remote camps were banned this year in favor of running the operation out of team headquarters. So, at least it’s convenient in case someone needs to run through the doors and shout, “Let’s call the whole thing off!”

Here are 10 other NFL storylines for training camp:

QB quandaries

Cam Newton starts, right? Newton was anointed Tom Brady’s replacement by the public as soon as he signed. But the Patriots made no starting guarantee to the former MVP. It’s easy to shrug off the notion of competing against Jarrett Stidham, but they wouldn’t have waited until June to make a move if they weren’t high on the youngster.

Other QB competitions

The Bears’ Nick Foles-Mitch Trubisky and Raiders’ Derek Carr-Marcus Mariota both involve former No. 2-overall draft picks trying to salvage careers. Foles is trying to prove he can win outside of Philadelphia. Will the Chargers’ Justin Herbert or Dolphins’ Tua Tagovailoa win jobs as rookies from veteran challengers?

Tampa Tom

Tom Brady learning a new offense for the first time in 20 years is fascinating. An unretired Rob Gronkowski getting back into a rhythm is fascinating. What do you call it when two future Hall of Famers are performing those tasks in the same camp run by the unpredictable Bruce Arians? All eyes on the Buccaneers.

Holdout watch

The new collective bargaining agreement is harder on holdouts — no more forgiving $50,000 daily fines once a new contract is in place. The Jaguars’ Yannick Ngakoue headlines the disgruntled trade-seekers. The Vikings’ Dalvin Cook wants a new deal. The Saints’ Alvin Kamara and Bengals’ Joe Mixon could, too.

What goes around …

A young Aaron Rodgers didn’t appreciate the cold shoulder from the great Brett Favre. Now we’ll see how helpful Rodgers, 36, is to successor Jordan Love. Is Love a project or more game-ready than some think? Rodgers wanted the Packers to draft a playmaker instead. Awkward!

Brees and peace

Drew Brees didn’t retire after a third straight walk-off playoff loss because he is chasing immortality — a second Super Bowl to go with career passing records. But he angered teammates with his “disrespecting the flag” comments in June. He apologized and vowed to be an ally in the fight for racial equality, but will any divisiveness linger in the locker room?

Kneel with Kaepernick

Commissioner Roger Goodell endorsed a team signing Colin Kaepernick. Several coaches say he deserves another chance. So, who’s going to give it to him? Will he take it? His name will surface with every quarterback injury. Because no preseason games means no national anthem and no kneeling, how will players get across their message?

Free for all

Anyone want a Pro Bowl-caliber pass-rusher or cornerback? It’s beyond strange that Jadeveon Clowney, Everson Griffen and Logan Ryan remain unsigned. Yes, the pandemic made teams reluctant to spend, but good players still get paid. Clowney and Griffen fit the Seahawks and Titans. Ryan fits the Giants, Jets, Lions and Dolphins.

Run off Rams

Todd Gurley’s release at a $20.1 million dead-money, salary-cap hit was stunning, even with the Rams trending downward. Gurley led the NFL in yards from scrimmage in 2017 and rushing touchdowns in 2018, as the Rams went to the Super Bowl. Did injuries finish him that quickly? Or did the Falcons get a free-agent steal?

Officially trouble

Fans who say they will stop taking the joy of games for granted might last one quarter of Week 1 before complaining about officiating. No preseason is a loss for the rusty crews. Officials typically get extra work in touring camps, but there likely won’t be much 11-on-11 to see until later. How will they get ready in August?