#Michigan man gets six beans lodged in penis in bizarre sex stunt

He was struggling to “pea.”

A randy Michigan man redefined “c-block” after he got six kidney beans lodged in his urethra during a bizarro attempt at sexual gratification.

The unnamed 30-year-old patient had reportedly wanted to “express the beans during ejaculation,” according to the wince-worthy report published in the journal Urology Case Reports.

So the sexual eccentric shoved six kidney beans in his urethra and attempted to expel them via “natural emission.” However, his pea shooter jammed during the process, prompting him to try to remove them with tweezers.

When that failed, he reported to the hospital, where he informed doctors that he was struggling to “pea.”

The backed-up bean stalker also admitted it wasn’t his “first time participating in this practice, although he never attempted to utilize this many beans.” A subsequent CT scan confirmed that the poor soul harbored six beans in his urethra, which measured 15 mm by 7 mm each. Four were located between the urethral entrance and the urine pouch, while another had strayed all the way into the bladder.

After initially failing to extract the urethral infiltrators, medics managed to remove one legume by applying numbing cream to the area and then squeezing the penile passageway, the researchers reported.

They eradicated the rest of the beans the following day via a complex process that involved holding the man’s urinary entrance open and inserting a tube through which they passed surgical implements. They then plucked out the taco toppers with a tweezer-like tool and placed them in a basket.

Despite the highly invasive procedure, the frijole fetishist suffered “minimal” trauma to his urethra and was discharged the following day.

He should thank his lucky stars. In a similar instance of beans in the urethra, the legumes had swollen to the point that endoscopic retrieval was impossible.

It’s unclear why someone would ever treat their manhood like a rainstick. However, experts say the sexual proclivity stems from psychiatric illness, sexual assault or even attempts to, somewhat paradoxically, “relieve urinary obstruction,” per the study.

Experts have also blamed “sounding,” a bizarre sexual proclivity defined by sticking foreign bodies in one’s urethra. In October 2019, a man in Saudi Arabia made the world wince after revealing that he’d harbored tweezers in his urethra for four years.

Unsurprisingly, scholarship on the subject is scarce due to its “taboo nature.”