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#I’m a gay man — and happily married to a woman

#I’m a gay man — and happily married to a woman

Skyler Sorensen and his wife Amanda have a lot in common.

For starters, they’re both attracted to men. But Skyler claims that being gay hasn’t gotten in the way of their blissful marriage — or their sex life.

“That sexual attraction came from, I mean, trial-and-error and a lot of practice,” the 25-year-old told The Post, laughing with his wife, also 25.

As Mormons, he and Amanda believe that the “celestial marriage” between a man and woman — and a man and woman only — is key to heavenly salvation. So, the couple sought to make their unusual union work, despite their mismatched desire.

“We have our struggles of course, like every marriage, but me being gay hasn’t been … the biggest issue in our marriage,” Skyler said. “It’s been communication, normal marriage things.”

“Do I wish that Skylar wasn’t gay? Yeah, sometimes,” Amanda said. “But I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else other than him.”

The Utah duo, both students at Brigham Young University, insist their mixed-orientation marriage is un-extraordinary. But the internet begs to differ: A tweet containing a screenshot from Skyler’s account recently went viral, along with thousands of shocked comments and 60,000 likes.

“Being in a mixed-orientation marriage is like going to Disneyland and having some people tell you you’d be better off at Six Flags,” Sorenson’s post read. “Six Flags may have more rollercoasters, but it’ll never beat the happiest place on earth.”

Skyler and Amanda
Skyler and AmandaCourtesy the couple

Skyler said the term “demisexual,” or one who develops a sexual attraction after an emotional bond forms, may be a more fitting label for him. “I don’t know if we both fully understand how and why it works, but it definitely does,” he said of their sex life.

The pair, who grew up in the Provo-Orem area of Utah, met less than five years ago when they were assigned to the same congregation, called a “ward,” in Salt Lake City, set up for young members of the Mormon church to meet, mingle and worship together.

“We don’t love socializing,” said Skyler. “And so we kind of … ”

“Bonded over that,” Amanda said, finishing his sentence — a mutual habit of the couple, who also work at the same extracurricular job, doing clerical and marketing work for a plumbing service.

Amanda admits she was naive about Skyler’s proclivity for men when they first embarked on a relationship, after about six months as just friends. But as the young couple began discussing the future, her intuition kicked-in.

“Amanda is very … in tune with other people’s emotions,” said Skyler. The confrontation over his sexuality that ensued, he said, turned into a “springboard” for marriage talks when it became clear he hoped to spend his life with a woman.

“He grew up always knowing that he was never going to be with a guy,” said Amanda. “That was always his conviction and his belief and his desire.”

For Amanda, it was easy to see why he was Mr. Right. “Skyler is just so kind and sensitive and loving and giving,” she explained. “Growing up, he probably thought, like, ‘Oh, this makes me different than other guys.’ But I love those aspects of him.”

Determined to make the conventional marriage work, the Sorensens called on a trusted counselor, with both personal and professional experience in mixed-orientation relationships (MOR), to help them prepare for their unusual arrangement — which it turns out isn’t so uncommon, said Dr. Ty Mansfield, a private practice marriage and family therapist in Provo and adjunct professor at BYU.

Mansfield, who specializes in MORs, specifically among Mormons, said “anywhere from 40 to 60% [of my clients] are navigating sexual or gender-identity questions.”

“Whatever path you choose, there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways to navigate that path,” he said. For some in the church, this could mean a lifetime — an eternity, even — of celibacy. Others, such as the Sorensens, can achieve an “authentic sexual expression” through the “nurturing of the … personal, spiritual bond,” as opposed to defining marriage as “just an expression of [an] orientation.”

Recently, he and his colleagues conducted a study of Mormon adults, either practicing or defected, “who experience sexual attractions to same-sex adults,” according to the survey, published on 4OptionsSurvey.com. Among other insights, they discovered that MORs are, in fact, viable. About 80% of such respondents reported being generally satisfied with their status — almost double the rate of those who were single and celibate (42%) or single and not celibate (40%).

Still, the survey found that the happiest couples were those attracted to members of the same sex who were in same-sex relationships. They reported a 95% satisfaction rate.

But for those like the Sorensens, who don’t see a same-sex relationship as an option, a mixed-orientation marriage is their shot at a future they always envisioned.

Amanda and Skyler Sorensen
Courtesy of Amanda and Tyler Sorenson

“I’ve always pictured this realization of family in my life: marrying a woman, having children, raising those children,” said Skyler, whose family nearly achieved their vision last year.

Tragically, the couple lost their first son, Milo, who was born at less than 25 weeks and died just 24 days after birth.

Holding a sonogram of her baby up during a video interview, Amanda said, “He’s like my favorite subject.” They agreed it was the most difficult trial of their marriage yet.

The Sorensens hope that by speaking up about their marriage, they can be advocates for others whose religious beliefs may clash with their orientations.

“We want to just advocate that this is an option, too, if this feels right to you,” said Amanda. “It’s really a hard journey for men within the church that are gay, or even women as well that are lesbian.”

“We haven’t been perfect as a church,” Skyler admitted, referring to their long history of sexual oppression, which included the practice of “conversion therapy,” a debunked “cure” for homosexuality once touted by many faith leaders.

On the other hand, he also regrets that peers in the queer community aren’t more welcoming of his faith-based lifestyle, insisting that his choices are not a betrayal.

“We just ask for the same grace and understanding that other people in the LGBT community are asking for, because we’re two consenting adults,” he said. “We made this decision together.”

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