Camila Cabello got very vulnerable about her struggles with her body image following a bad experience with the paparazzi recently.

The 25-year-old singer has never been one to shy away from having important conversations about the pressure society places on women to look a certain way – and she has once again got real about the topic in a new Instagram post. When pictures of Camila in a bikini at the beach started making rounds on the internet Sunday, she took a moment to address just how “exhausted” she was about body-image pressure after a recent run-in with the paparazzi. She began:

“Every time I’ve gone to this beach club in Miami, I get papped – somehow when I check in paps know and get me in my bikini, and every time I’ve felt super vulnerable and unprepared – I’ve worn bikinis that were so too small and paid no mind to how I looked, then saw pictures online and comments and been so upset. I reminded myself when it impacted my self-esteem, that I was thinking the culture’s thoughts and not my own. A culture who has gotten so used to an image of what a ‘healthy’ woman’s body looks like that is completely not real for a lot of women.”

Related: Proof Shawn Mendes Is Still Checking Out Ex Camila Cabello!

To fit into what’s deemed the beauty standard, Camila pointed out how women often resort to “photoshop, restrictive eating, over-exercising, and choosing angles that make our bodies look different than how they are in the moment and in their natural form, when we take a deep breath, when we eat a meal, when we allow the waves to tussles around.” She continued:

“I remind myself of this, listen to podcasts on intuitive eating, follow women who accepted their cellulite, stretch marks, bellies, bloating, and weight fluctuations…and still. I’m a single woman in her 20s In the middle of a shit ton of promo and I want to feel like I look good.”

Unfortunately, though, the Cinderella actress admitted that this isn’t always enough, and sometimes the pressure to conform to society’s ideal image weighs heavily on her. And it impacted her beach day in Miami over the weekend. Despite having on a new bikini and a “whole f**kin cute outfit,” Camila said she felt super “self-conscious” and hyper-fixated on the paparazzi, worrying about how the photos may turn out. Explaining the lengths she took for the pics at the time, she said:

“I held my core so tight my ribs hurt and didn’t breathe and barely smiled and was so self-conscious of where the paps were the whole time I couldn’t let go and relax and do what we’re meant to do when we go into nature. I tried to pretend they weren’t there, but I couldn’t and I held my breath from my sun chair to the ocean. I looked at a group of toddlers giggling with excitement at waves knocking them over no sunglasses, no jewelry, no self-consciousness, just the innocence of children, which is the feeling I have always gone into nature for.”

While the Havana artist knew she “looked good” and believed it would make her feel “accomplished,” she was still not happy. In fact, it ended up being that she had “never had a worse time at the beach” instead:

“I felt the emptiness and sadness of our culture’s thoughts that became my thoughts. I wanted to talk about this because we see pictures of women and praise them for looking good for looking fit or ‘healthy.’ But what is health if you are so fixated on what your body looks like that your mental health suffers and you can’t enjoy your life? Who am I trying to look attractive for and am I even attractive to myself if I can’t let loose and relax and have fun and be playful on a beautiful day at the beach?”

Ultimately, Camila expressed that she is “mourning” her 7-year-old self who used to be able to just be herself, but she is working towards getting to the point where she “can not give a f**k” anymore:

“I’m not yet at the point in my journey where I can not give a f**k. Intellectually, I know what I look like doesn’t determine how healthy, happy, or sexy I am. Emotionally, the messaging I get from our world is loud in my own head. Ironically, all the therapy, all the inner work is to try and get back to feeling like seven-year-old me on the beach. I’m mourning her today. Happy, silly, breathing, pretending to be a mermaid, FREE. PS, I ran away to the pool area where hopefully they can’t get me but they literally hide in the bushes sometimes. I’m exhausted lol.”

Wow…

There is no doubt her followers were thankful she had been so outspoken about these issues that affect so many people. Sending some extra love to Camila today. You can read her entire message (below):

 

[Image via WENN/Avalon]