Kelly Clarkson is still feeling the pain since Brandon Blackstock‘s been gone.

As you know, the singer-songwriter split from her ex-husband in 2020 after about 8 years together. At the time, they cited “irreconcilable differences” in their filings, which was among some of the toughest choices Kelly had to make for herself. A little over three years later and she’s still feeling the sting…

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The 40-year-old sat down with Angie Martinez on her IRL podcast this week and got real about how life has been since her divorce — and how she got through it:

“[Divorce] rips you apart. Whenever you fall in love with someone — and it doesn’t work.”

The Stronger musician went on to talk about how the unexpected split wasn’t an “overnight decision” for them:

“I think the thing about divorce — especially having it publicized, and people thinking they know the whole thing — the hardest part of that is, like, it wasn’t an overnight decision. Anyone that’s been divorced [knows]. That was years in trying to make — not make it work, cause I never wanted to be part of something to make it work. I wanted to make it beautiful. I wanted to make it awesome. I wanted to make it everything it possibly could be, and sometimes that just doesn’t happen.”

It’s so sad they weren’t able to work things out, but even with the pain Kelly is sure she made the right decision for herself. She said so later on in the podcast — but she also mentioned she worries about her children’s, River Rose, 8, and Remi, 6, thoughts and feelings, too:

“I literally ask my kids every night when we’re snuggling, ‘Are you happy?’ And if you’re not, what could make you happier? Sometimes they’ll say — especially the past two years — a lot of it — and it kills me — and I want them to be honest so I don’t ever say, ‘Oh god, don’t tell me that,’ but a lot of times it would be like, ‘You know, I’m just really sad. I wish Mommy and Daddy were in the same house.’ And they’re really honest about it. And I’m raising that kind of individual … I just sit there and I’m like, ‘I get it. I’m from a divorced family as well. I get it. That sucks. But we’re going to work it out. And you are so loved by both of us.”

The songstress is ready to break free, though, and promises her next record is going to be centered around her marriage and divorce. We’re definitely going to need a box of tissues to get through this one! What do U think, Perezcious readers?

[Image via WENN/Avalon/YouTube/The Kelly Clarkson Show]