Jennifer Lopez is keeping it real about her feelings surrounding her 2004 breakup with Ben Affleck! As messy as it looked from the outside, it was worse up close.

In a new interview with Apple Music on Monday, J.Lo opened up to host Zane Lowe about her and Ben’s relationship — and she went all the way back to the beginning… which is to say, the first ending. J.Lo and Ben infamously broke up after he met future wife Jennifer Garner on the set of Daredevil. And the pain she felt after their dream wedding got called off in 2004 was about as bad as it gets:

“It was so painful after we broke up. Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die.”

Ouch… But it just makes their happy ending that much sweeter, doesn’t it?

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And the 53-year-old agrees — even though she had some tough times throughout the years, she finally got her fairytale ending with her true love:

“It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn’t get it right. But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending. It has the most ‘would never happen in Hollywood’ ending.”

Awww!!

On Friday the singer announced she’s releasing an updated version of her 2002 album This Is Me… Then and it’s paying homage to Bennifer 2.0. The original album was released the same month she and Affleck got engaged the first time — and now her upcoming “part two” This Is Me… Now is on its way shortly after the lovebirds finally got married. Talk about perfect timing!

The actress gushed about the meaning of her forthcoming music, saying it centers around “real love”:

“We captured me at this moment in time when I was reunited with the love of my life and we decided we were going to be together forever. The whole message of the album is, ‘This love exists. This is a real love.”

The Let’s Get Loud singer said it takes a lot of vulnerability to release something like this — but she doesn’t seem to regret it for a second:

“Now I think what the message of [the album] is — if you have, like me at times, lost hope, almost given up, don’t. True love does exist and some things do last forever and that’s real. I want to put that message out into the world and that does take a lot of vulnerability.”

Ch-ch-check out the full interview (below):

Such a sweet message! We’re so happy Jen and Ben are back and enjoying their lives together!

Reactions, Perezcious readers? Will U be listening to the new album?

[Image via MEGA/WENN]