#Girls Aloud Singer Sarah Harding Says She’s Seen Her Last Christmas Amid Breast Cancer Battle

British pop star Sarah Harding revealed last August that she had begun a battle against a severe form of breast cancer, and now with the release of her new memoir, Hear Me Out, the singer has detailed her last few months fighting the disease.

In an excerpt of her book shared by The Times over the weekend, the Girls Aloud musician said:

“In December my doctor told me that the upcoming Christmas would probably be my last.”

Oh no…

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Though she doesn’t have “an exact prognosis,” the 39-year-old knows time is limited. While over the summer she declared, “I am fighting as hard as I possibly can,” it is clear in the emotional description below just how dedicated to the battle she really was. Sarah writes of the moment she found out something was wrong:

“I’d been playing my guitar a lot, and I thought the strap had probably irritated an area around my breast.”

Since that moment, she’s undergone chemotherapy, a mastectomy, and spent two weeks in an induced coma after she had a reaction to a catheter (or “port”) fitted to help the drugs be administered throughout her body. Unfortunately, her body reacted negatively to the addition and life-threatening swelling broke out in her chest and neck.

“I don’t really remember much after that. I only know what I’ve been told. At some point, my blood pressure fell dangerously low, and I was rushed into intensive care.”

Harding continued:

“Straight away, my port was removed, but with both my lungs and my kidneys failing, doctors decided to put me into an induced coma. Even then, the doctor wasn’t sure he was going to be able to pull me back from it, so advised Mum to prepare for the worst.”

Much harder to wake up from was her mastectomy, which the healthcare workers hoped might slow the affects of the cancer. Sarah recalled she “screamed the place down” following the removal of her breast, adding:

“Now there’s just a bunch of stitches where my breast used to be.”

To this day, the dramatic effects of the life-prolonging surgery have remained with her:

“I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I can’t face it. On top of everything else, I just don’t look like me anymore. I don’t recognize myself. It’s very hard to wake up every morning knowing that a part of me is missing; that part of my womanhood is gone. The loss of it breaks my heart.”

Ours break hearing all this! Especially because after all that she endured, Sarah’s cancer has continued to spread. It’s now even in her brain. Despite given the option to begin radiotherapy, the Love Machine vocalist declined, not wanting to part with her signature golden bob.

“If there’s a chance I’ve only got six months, then I’ve got six months. Losing my hair probably wasn’t going to change that.”

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A wise, though extremely difficult decision, no doubt. But that’s what this entire process has been for her — a challenge she never wanted to face, but one that she hopes can allow her to educate more women on seeking medical attention before it’s too late. She told The Times on the publication of Hear Me Out:

“Writing about my cancer, I found myself thinking, ‘Do I want everyone to know this?’ But I kept thinking that if there was a chance just one person who read my story decided to get checked and was treated in time, then it was worth it.”

With the massive unknowns of how much time she has left, Harding has sought joy from the outlets that comfort her — binge-watching Family Guy, cooking, and, of course, enjoying a glass of wine from time to time. If there’s one thing that quarantine has made harder to do, though, that’s her grand idea to throw a celebration/send off with all her loved ones.

“What I’d really like to do is to see everyone — all my friends, all together. One last time. Then I’d throw a great big f**king off party as a way to say thank you and goodbye. Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

Known as “Hardcore Harding” in UK tabloids, that seems like quite a fitting way to say goodbye. We wish the struggles of coronavirus and quarantine weren’t here so Sarah could truly party to her heart’s desire. Sending her and her family SO much love as she continues to “find joy” while she can.

[Image via Sarah Nicole Harding/Instagram & WENN]