#Gabourey Sidibe Talks About Fighting Depression & Bulimia: ‘I Was Out Of Control’

The actress has shared about her mental health journey in the past, so it’s no surprise to hear her recollection about dealing with depression and an eating disorder on Taraji P. Henson‘s Facebook Watch series, Peace of Mind with Taraji. Even so, her honesty is refreshing, particularly about such taboo subjects.

Related: Gabourey Blasts Twista For Body Shaming Her!

In the clip, she told her Empire co-star that bulimia helped numb her depression. She reflected:

“It wasn’t even about other people. It was about me surviving the day. I was so embarrassed and I hated crying so much. I hated it. … So I found a fun little button. I found a button and on top of that, people were like, ‘You’re looking good.’ So I’m like, ‘Why would I stop?’ Like, this is dope in a way.”

She continued:

“It’s like… a self-defense mechanism. That’s what bulimia was for me. It wasn’t about losing weight. It wasn’t about controlling my appetite. It truly was about how it stopped me from crying.”

The 37-year-old went on:

“It felt like I was controlling my emotions. I was not, I was out of control. I was getting worse. … Being depressed is one thing. If you add an eating disorder to that, that’s a whole other monster that you have to fight.”

The Oscar nominee previously revealed her experience with bulimia in her 2017 memoir, This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare. She wrote:

“Often, when I was too sad to stop crying, I drank a glass of water and ate a slice of bread, and then I threw it up. After I did, I wasn’t as sad anymore; I finally relaxed. So I never ate anything, until I wanted to throw up — and only when I did could I distract myself from whatever thought was swirling around my head.”

Related: Gabourey’s Memoir Also Revealed Secret Weight Loss Surgery 

Her struggles peaked in college, and finally she sought treatment for her depression, eating disorder, and suicidal thoughts. She told People in 2017:

“I just accepted depression as something that’s part of my anatomy; it’s part of my chemistry, it’s part of my biology. When it’s too big for me to just turn around on my own, I see a therapist. I see a therapist anyway. We all should see a therapist. If only for the hour a week that you can talk about yourself and not worry about monopolizing the conversation? F**king do it, it’s worth it!”

We’re so glad that Gabourey has learned to manage her mental health, and that she’s willing to share her journey with the world. We appreciate her vulnerability!

Ch-ch-check out the Peace of Mind with Taraji clip (below):

[Image via Facebook Watch]