#Blame Dr. Fauci — and more tips for keeping politics away at Thanksgiving

This year, it’s unlikely that any of us will escape disagreeable political conflicts around the Thanksgiving or Christmas table. But we should try. As the writer and priest Richard John Neuhaus famously said, “the first thing to say about politics is that politics is not the first thing.”

Those should be our watchwords during the holidays — and they should be repeated to all relatives before the cranberry sauce starts flying. But assuming partisan guests can’t restrain themselves and insist on starting debates, here are some tips that might make your holiday gatherings less unpleasant:

1) Lay down the rules early: If you know that certain relatives are amped up over the election, warn them at the start that your home and the holiday table aren’t arenas for political combat. This is a family gathering, not a debate meet.

And unless your uncle is a federal judge or a polling official, his opinions on voter fraud and the transition of power are probably not going to make a difference in the life of the nation, even as they’re sure to bring a spirit of disunity to the festivities. Everyone is entitled to their political opinions, but no one should feel obligated to share them in your dining room.

2) Use COVID rules to your advantage: Suggest that your politically obsessed relatives join you for a Zoom-s-giving celebration, instead of in-person. Connect with them virtually at the start of your dinner for a toast and maybe grace. Ooh and ah over what you’re eating, wish them a Happy Thanksgiving — and leave the meeting.

Another option is the Thanksgiving drive-by. Prepackage turkey and a few sides in Tupperware and run it over to the relatives you’d rather not hear at your ­table. Leave the goods on the front doorstep, ring the bell and run like the Amazon deliveryman. When your relatives come to the door, wave from the car, exchange pleasantries and blame the pandemic for the sad separation.

If these containment strategies fail, and they show up at your front door anyway, all is not lost. Tell them the public-health guidelines suggest that outdoor celebrations might be safer and ­express your concerns for their health. This will allow you to banish liberal firebrand Cousin Fred or outspoken conservative Aunt Becky to the back porch.

The masks, which you can insist on, will only help muffle their disagreements. The important thing is: Your meal, inside, will be a relatively peaceful space, free of politics. Occasionally raising a glass to the outdoor celebrants, or tapping the window to share a smile, will help them feel part of your celebration.

3) Create child buffer zones: If these tactics don’t have the desired effect, and you have to seat mouthy partisans at your table, placement is essential. Situate them between children. These youthful buffer zones will greatly diminish the possibility of political disagreement. After a few minutes of chatting with the kids about Baby Yoda, the elders will be so thoroughly confused or charmed they’ll forget all about the transition in DC.

But a word to the wise: Don’t — I repeat, do not — place your family partisans next to wokester college kids home for the holidays. That can only enflame the political tension. Treat the young wokesters as you would Cousin Fred or Aunt Becky.

4) Invoke Dr. Fauci: Don’t shy away from invoking our national corona czar to put six feet of space on ­either side of the loud partisans. Remind them it’s for their own good. Seat your family ­together at the dining-room table, while Mouthy Marty sits in the adjoining hallway at a decorated card table. Happy holidays, Marty!

For all the political talk of “unity and healing,” true unity begins in the family. It begins with getting past the things that divide and ­reacquainting ourselves with the shared history and traditions that hold us together. Long after the political squabbles of the moment have dissipated, it is the bonds we create with those we love most that endure.

Maintaining peace is paramount to this — even if combative relatives have to eat dinner in their cars alone to make it happen.

Raymond Arroyo is a Fox News contributor and author, most recently, of “The Spider Who Saved Christmas.”