#Bet Chicago in must-win MLB playoff game

Feeling better America? Hey kids will be kids. The next presidential debate between Donny and Joey will be televised exclusively on Nickelodeon. Moderated by Honey Boo Boo. Sponsored by Playskool.

Reader Jimmy Durda: Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing program. The evangelist called all who want to be healed to put one hand on the TV, the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV, the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way over and put a hand on the TV, the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him. “You just don’t get it, Fred. The purpose of the program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”

Cubs are dead if they don’t win. Miami mauled them 5-1 and Chicago will call on Yu Darvish to save its season. Yu is 8-3 on the year but (there’s always a but with Yu) is 2-4, postseason. Marlins, going for the kill, throw 22-year-old rookie Sixto Sanchez, who went 3-2 but allowed nine runs over his last seven frames. Yu and I don’t get along but we’re taking the Cubs for 20 units.

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Donuts. Nothing but donuts on the 13-inning scoreboard for the Reds and they lost 1-0. Trevor Bauer and Max Fried threw gems. Back to -624 geronimos.